A SPIRIT CAN RENEW YOUR FAITH IN HUMAN KIND
AS I WRITE THIS I AM FILLED WITH THE JOY THAT HAS FILLED MY HEART. I HAVE MET TWO EARTHBOUND ANGELS TODAY!
I am going through a terribly rough time and as I write this I am teary eyed, as two people touched my heart today. Well make that three if you include my daughter who is not an adult yet... in fact far from it. I had a very difficult few days with being ill. I have not written in my blog for a while as I either was in fetal position in pain or just disgusted at how some people can be.
I have found that on the site I sell my belongings for the cause of Breast Cancer... actually the Breast Cancer Pink Bow cause.... which is turing into a foundation. Part of my legacy if I am to leave this world or not. As I have worked since 2 and a half weeks after my back to back surgeries I thought to myself, GOD WOULD NOT ALLOW ME TO GO THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR NO REASON AT ALL. I still believe that... so I became proactive and immediately started to post my belongings on a site where you can make money. Not for me, not for anyone that needs money, but for those that have had a form of cancer. In my case it is Breast Cancer. Now when it is in the nodes you have a problem. It is in my nodes.... just how do you tell people you love that this is what is happening to you... just how do you hide it? Now when you are hugging the porcelain commode it seems likely that they will ask why are you sick? My answer... I don't feel well. that is all. I don't want to worry anyone. Especially my young ones.
I had tried on this site many times to get others to help for the cause and no one listened, so I put up my whole closet, minus a few things... and I mean a few.... and started listing. No sales. Nothing. I started to tell people what my cause was for, no reaction and no help.... as time has gone on, in only well shall I say under 3 months, I have under 10 women helping and have been so discouraged in the human race. Certainly if it was them, they would seek help. Some find none, some find help but have to pay high insurance for what they are going through. some just give up. I WON"T GIVE UP!
My hair is very long and has started to fall out to where I do a nice comb over. Now men can shave their head and look normal. A woman? NO. We are expected to have hair, in fact it is primal. I had a beautiful day with my daughter, cuddling in bed today. I left the room and was very ill. When I cam back she was on the site looking for wigs for me. LONG Dark Brown hair and one short one that is adorable but way out of price range. I asked her what she was doing and she told me she didn't want me to feel bad about my hair falling out... that I was beautiful to her inside and out. It brought tears to my eyes. Straight from my heart. I checked my news feed a bit later only to find that someone had sold a wig out of a bundle I had put together the night before. I was just sickened by this and thought how stupid and uncaring can a person be.... I forgot to mention there were many messages from this person through the night and I had not checked at all since I hurt and was in the bathroom most of it. In her message she got cocky with me and I had to not let it get to me as my daughter comes first. But how could someone do that? Those are NOT the rules of the selling on the site I am on... when you make a bundle you stick to it. Well I ended up posting something about helping out AGAIN. Most of my site is what my daughter has said or what the needs of the many are, etc. I then checked the news feed again, and it was the perfect piece for our pre-presentation of things we will be auctioning in Breast Cancer Month. I purchased it and guess (Still don't know what I did) made them angry. They cancelled the order. So I called one of the two ladies that really come through and was just shaken. I had hoped to have a nice first real conversation but needed help. She got the person to sell to her..... which is wonderful! We have our showcase back again! Now in the mix of this, I was missing valuable time with my daughter and that was not okay with me. I kept getting ill and had to make excuses. She is afraid enough without thinking her momma may die. My two earthbound angels..... my daughter and the other, who shall remain nameless unless she choses otherwise! I received a text from her and she told me that she got the piece and another high item as well for very little. I don't have much in money so I do what I can with it. We are now trying to figure out how to pay for it. She is out of pocket and I don't want that unless she does. She went to church and came home, prayed and lit a candle for me. She let me know it would burn all the way down. I love what she said, it lifted my spirits. My daughter is not home tonight, she is at her biological fathers home. This is hard on her and thus hard on me. I have a heart condition and I fear the unknown...... I would be lying if I said otherwise, but I have to give it to GOD. That is all I can do. And forgive those that have wronged me. This is the path I have chosen.
I have been in bed really sad tonight and looking at wigs that have been sold and kept going back to the one she loved for me. I asked the lady if she could let me know when she was available to ask questions to. I don't know much about wigs.... I don't know the difference in lace or half or anything. SO ..... I get a message from her and I answered asking all sorts of questions. It came to her daughter having had Breast Cancer... My mind went to what if it was MY daughter.. how horribly scary that must have been.... This LADY that I have never met asked me a question and I told her It was me that had it. A few seconds later, she wrote she wanted to donate it to me if I would pay shipping. I am still stunned. I started to cry the kind of tears you cannot describe... The kind that make your heart feel that an angel has touched you. This is my third earthbound angel of the day. She then sent another message that she had wanted to donate other wigs and to be honest I am in awe of this special lady. ONE person makes such a difference when millions are out there on this site and I only have a few that are helping or say buy something and I will donate. What she has done has reinstated the lack of confidence in others. That part of others that I thought no one had anymore but a few. I was amazed and crying like a baby. I still as I write and in disbelief!
I write this not to guilt anyone, or to put anyone down. but to be honest, that is why I have not been blogging my journey. She has put me back on my path just like that... like a snap of a finger I am encouraged about others and believe in my soul that GOD will make this happen. GOD will help us out and in the end.... we will help many. I won't stop until he stops me... even if I have to rest. I now realize that without rest there won't be a me. So I take it upon myself to thank that special lady with the candle and prayers.... helping with a problem, and my daughter who keeps me going, my son who says I ub u ommy! and to that special lady that I can't even fathom. She has re-inspired me. I will forever be thankful! XOXO my heart is all I have to give! LOVE... and THANK YOU! you know who you are... and so do I!
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